Velvet Ghostmine
by Zelia Theb
Summary: Glam wasn't what they had in mind. Yusuke and Kuwabara were certain that this was just another ridiculous set-up on Koenma's behalf to settle another bet. Karaoke was one thing, but a Battle of the Bands was another. -YusukeKuwabara- -ShounenAi-


**Author's Introduction**

Following in the footsteps of Mischief 101, and my personal favorite Huminshou, I bring to you another humorous fan-fic, this time surrounding Yusuke and Kuwabara.

But before you all go "omgzwthyusukekuwabaraomgzsgross! Dieplzkthx!" - I can only ask my fans to give it a chance (after all, how many Hiei-Kurama things have I read despite that I dislike the pairing?) Besides. Kuwabara and Yusuke have the _perfect_ personalities to go with a story in which it is the characters versus the Universe.

Now, I've been wanting to write a musical fic for a while. More specifically, a glam one. Mostly because I am a musician, and secondly because I've come to the realization that a lot of the groups I like happen to fit into the "glam" category. How am I gonna do it, though? How am I gonna pull it off? And gosh darn it, how am I going to make it differ from all of the other "Soandso is a musician..." fics? Well, I really don't know. I don't read those fics. Read above. I'm a musician, and if I see something that is wrong, or another Evanescence song-fic, I think I might die.

Here's the thing with this fic: It's literally been sitting around in a folder labeled "Velvet Goldmine" since August 2005. I wrote about ¾ of the chapter, and then just stopped (to be fair, real life suddenly happened and I just wasn't able to make time for my artsy side). I can't guarantee that it will be finished either, if real life decides to happen again. But why should I deny fans of my fics the chance to see what I started three years ago?

Invisible gold stars to those of you who get all of the pop-culture, future, and fan-fiction references/parodies. Kudos to those of you who get the title. As always, please read and review, and if you catch any errors, please make me aware of them so that they may be corrected.

**Warnings:** Anything that the rating covers is a possibility.

**Disclaimer:** _Yu Yu Hakusho_ © Yoshihiro Togashi

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**Velvet Ghostmine**

A _Yu Yu Hakusho_ Fan-Fiction

By Zelia Theb

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**I: Obviously**

The beat went on. Oh, the beat went on and on and on, and the beat went on.

The rock and roll. It had been a long time since he rock and rolled.

But for Enma's sake, would the idiot ever shut up?

The boy let out an irritated growl as his friend slash ex-rival stepped off of the hexagon stage.

"What?" his friend's rough voice asked. "Did ya wanna sing that song or something, Urameshi?"

Urameshi, otherwise known as Yusuke Urameshi, Yusuke, or just plain "Detective" to others, growled again, this time deeper and more intimidating. In fact, he _wanted_ to start something all night, beef it up, whatever, same thing in his head. He hated karaoke. _Hated_ it.

And not because it was normal for a bunch of show-off teenagers or drunken single men who have nothing better to do after work and school. Not because he hated pop music (which he did). Heck, not even because of the flashbacks to Genkai's test.

No. The dark haired and brown eyed boy between the height of five foot five to five foot ten hated karaoke for one reason, and one reason only.

He was there with the five foot eleven to six foot two orange haired curly-q Kuwabara. And Kuwabara _loved_ karaoke.

And Kuwabara's singing gave him a headache that no amount of prescription painkillers or even therapeutic fox alchemy could fix.

Yusuke scrunched his perfectly shaped nose (despite the many punches he has taken in his lifetime) and stated, "You. Suck."

Kazuma Kuwabara's eyes went wide. He sucked?

As if he had done reverse mind-reading, Kuwabara's thoughts were immediately picked up by Yusuke, who ended with the remarkably futuristic statement, "Yes. You're the suckiest suck who ever sucked. Don't sing again. Ever."

"You're such a jerk!" Kuwabara cried out, all the while resisting the urge to plant his fists into any part of Yusuke's body (in the painful way, not the way described by a very popular band that the Universe will be ready to reveal in a few years).

Two caustic remarks and the breaking of someone's willpower later, Kuwabara and Yusuke found their posteriors upon the cement outside of the karaoke club.

"Good going, idiot," Yusuke stated, brushing off his clothing.

"Me? Idiot? At least I was having a good time in there! Not like _someone_ who feels the need to be a complete jerkface all the time and never have any fun."

_Beep beep!_

"Oh why don't you just shut up!" the detective shouted back at him. The two walked hurriedly in the direction of the Kuwabara residence, taking an unusual route that ran along what could be considered the "red neon light district." They had never really noticed these places during the day, mostly because the lights were all turned off, and secondly because their names were mostly in foreign languages with a lack of supporting katakana subtitles.

"Why don't you shut up, Urameshi!" Kuwabara yelled, briefly catching a glimpse of a sign that read _The Angry Inch_. The line of males waiting to enter _The Angry Inch_ became onlookers, who in turn, desired to see the two youths fight and break into a rather sensual sweat. A universal sigh could be heard when the boys were out of their sight, and the males soon forgot their trip into fantasy land as the bouncer for the club let them in.

"Well, Kuwabara," Yusuke dared his friend, having gone back and forth with the "shut ups" for far too long, "why don't ya make me?"

"It'll be my pleasure, punk!" the taller raged on, only to be stopped by gentle yet angry wind.

"_Boys!_" the wind shouted, hovering just above them. "Stop this nonsense right now!"

"Botan?" Yusuke remarked, staring upwards at the cupcake version of the Grim Reaper.

Death was not so pleased at Yusuke's surprise. In fact, the not so entirely tall but not so entirely short spirit guide (whose height was difficult to ascertain mostly due to the fact that she mainly hovered on an oar, and when she wasn't, she would be wearing street clothes with incredibly outdated shoes of varying heights anyhow) was downright pissed off.

"Yes, _Yusuke_," she seethed. "You two were supposed to meet everyone an hour ago! We've been worried sick!" Everyone implying their small team of supernatural allies; Hiei, four foot ten and not so nice; and Kurama, a bit taller than the detective himself, and pleasing in more than one way.

Another argument, a slap on the face, and a few other events measured by large and small amounts of time later, the two delinquent meeting-skippers, accompanied by a furious Botan, were seated on a cold park bench with their allies, staring into a broadcasting silver briefcase.

Koenma, a toddler with a cocky teenager complex (most likely a result that he is, in fact, the son of the king of both the ethereal and non-ethereal worlds), went straight to the point from the other end of the monitor, and assigned the boys their newest mission. One, of course, that had an absolutely ridiculous set-up that could lead to hilarious consequences. It was something that had occurred in the Universe before, more than once, actually.

Except on parallel platforms.

Shameless advertisement for such alternate planes of reality aside, the mission was killed, cut, dried, consumed, and even excreted right in front of them.

Very bluntly said by Koenma, that is.

_"Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei, Kurama, even Botan," _Koenma stated, thankful for his safety beyond the monitor, _"you'll be infiltrating a nightclub known as _The Angry Inch_ right inside the city. The owner is a high powered demon said to be trafficking the deadly Yogore Leaf from the Demon World, and disguising it as a drug. Humans are disappearing, even turning into low class demons themselves!"_

"The Yogore Leaf..." mused the botany expert, Kurama. An expression of "Eureka!" crossed his face as he rubbed his chin, and he stated, "Never heard of it."

_"Never mind that, Kurama. The leaf is not what's important."_

"It's gotta be that string of supernatural occurrences that seem to be following it, huh?" muttered Yusuke.

_"Precisely, Yusuke. But I haven't quite told you how the demon has protected himself."_

Hiei grunted. "We could just burst into the place and kill him. A human nightclub can't be that well protected, Koenma."

_"Unfortunately, I'm not going to let innocent civilians get in the way, Hiei. For now, allow me to explain the set-up." _ Koenma began flipping through various pictures and other visual aids to assist him. _"The demon, going by the name of Hedwig Lizzardo, is using the annual 'Battle of the S.A. Bands' as a way to distribute the drug to a large group of people. The event is occurring in exactly two and a half months, and you boys will only be able to stop him the day of."_

And then came the excrement.

_"This being because the shipment is due to arrive that day, and unfortunately, Spirit World cannot track the location of the tear between the two worlds to intercept it. Now, that protection I mentioned earlier is that the club is exclusive to people who enjoy an alternate lifestyle. Homosexuals, bisexuals, transgender individuals, transvestites...he keeps it taboo enough to keep the place out of the public eye. The police have suspicions, but a raid would have the media swarming with accusations of biased law enforcement. He's rather crafty when it comes to human politics."_

The boys stayed still. Crossdressing wasn't what they had in mind. Sure...each and every one of them had thought about it once or twice (or even more often, in Kurama's case), but neither of them could do it together.

Of course, often do ridiculous ideas sound better when done together among friends.

But Koenma wasn't finished just yet. Despite the team's obviously logical conclusion to the Prince's speech, he had to continue.

_"The club is exclusive, though. They won't let in just any teenagers or even adults for that matter. The bouncers have been told to keep out the 'weak ones,' which is why turning the clientèle into a bunch of demons isn't exactly my cup of tea. You'll have to go incognito as a band, and as a pretty darn good one too. Bands that are entered in the event have to have a track record of playing at _The Angry Inch_ at least once in their run. Any ordinary and sloppy put-together won't fool them."_

_"In fact,"_ Koenma rambled on, letting out a rather important piece of information, _"I'm certain that Lizzardo is on to us. He's gotten word of you, Yusuke, not just from your work as a Spirit Detective but from the streets, too. He'll be on the look-out. You'll have no choice but to work as undercover as you can."_

"Damn it, Koenma," Yusuke said in a spurt of irritation, "why does it seem like this mission is right out of some glamorous rock opera movie?"

Koenma grinned at Yusuke's obvious knowledge of such things. _"No comment here, Yusuke. I have no one else to do it. The four of you need to start practicing. Botan will be your manager, and will provide you with everything you'll need. See ya, homeskillets. Koenma out."_ And the screen flickered off into static.

"Hm. Well at least you won't have to dress up, Kuwabara," Hiei teased. "No one's ever heard of you so there's no need for a disguise."

"I'll show you who's never heard of who, shrimpy!" Kuwabara returned, hands balled into angry fists.

"Hang on!" Yusuke interjected, pissitivity soaring through the non-existent roof. "Am I the only one who's figured out that Botan is about to break out her make-up kit? Am I the-"

"Cram it, Detective," Hiei barked. "There's no way that Botan is going to-"

"Break out this make-up kit?" she asked, a delicate and ornate box in her hands. "Wrong!" Before Hiei could back away in terror (the translation being that this next event happened _really_ fast, because Hiei's pretty darn good at that whole after-image thing), he was slapped on the wrist with stylish, fluffy, pink, and rather appropriate hand-cuffs. Hand-cuffs that piqued Yusuke's interest in Botan, which she assured the team were "not hers" and were called "Spirit World Cuffs."

"I demand that you remove these immediately!" Hiei spat out, after several failed attempts (including gnawing) to remove them.

"Hold still! You're going to hurt yourself!" she warned.

"No, Kurama is going to," the short demon replied callously. "Hurry up, fox, and use that famous rose whip of yours."

"I shall not aid and abed a criminal, Hiei," the addressed one rejected.

"Yeah, Hiei, besides, you can't break Spirit World Cuffs!" finished Botan.

Hiei, still thrashing and tugging, shouted, "I want him to slice off my hands!"

"Isn't that a bit extreme?" Kurama wondered.

"Not when I can make a deal with the Robot Devil for a new pair!" Hiei swore silently at the Jagan in his forehead; this wasn't the first time that its mysterious power caused him to slip into the future.

"_HOLD STILL!"_

"Remove these immediately, _woman_!"

_Slap!_

"You need to learn a little lesson in equality, mister!" she declared, poking the demon harshly in the chest. He backed up somewhat obediently at each assault, now aware of who was the master in this situation. "There! Now _hold still and stop being such a pain!_"

"Whoa, there's some blackmail fodder for ya," remarked Yusuke. "Botan having an obedient Hiei in pink furry hand-cuffs..."

"Don't be disgusting, Yusuke!" Kuwabara scolded. After all, clinical studies have shown that a diet rich in Hiei-Botan can lead to confusion, temporary blindness, destruction of canon, angry Yaoi-fangirls, and the proliferation of mysterious Black Hiruiseki (whatever _that_ is).

(The Universe meant no disrespect to those who have added Hiei-Botan to their diet. It/he/she/we felt it necessary to point out that a rich diet is damaging, but everything in moderation is good. Except for diets that include Mary-Sue. That's just downright unhealthy.)

Botan, seeking to complete the task, tapped her finger on the chain linking the cuffs together, and suddenly, the chain dissipated.

The cuffs remained, however.

"What is the meaning of this?"

"They make sure that you _won't_ try to get away," Botan explained. "Plus, they will match your outfit, too!"

The other three burst into laughter. Yusuke, somehow being the first to regain enough air to speak, remarked, "You...did..._not_...just...say...outfit!"

"I most certainly did!" she smiled. "We're going to meet at Kuwabara's house after school. Hiei, I trust you know when they get out of school, yes? Anyway, if you aren't there, just ask Hiei what will happen to you!"

"Damn it!" Yusuke complained. "I feel like I've just fallen into another universe where everyone's personalities are overly exaggerated for the sheer purpose of making me look like an idiot."

"Ya don't need much help there, Urameshi."

"_Boys!"_

_To Be Continued..._


End file.
